I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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