Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
