i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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