Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
