I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
