i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
