fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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