I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
