Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
