Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
