At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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