I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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