I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
