let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
