i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
