just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
