Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
