I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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