This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
