ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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