Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so let's talk penis.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
