I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
