help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
