Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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