You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
