Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
