the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
