false alarm. still invincible.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
