yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
