Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We had sex on a dog bed..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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