Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
