i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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