Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
