Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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