I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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