come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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