in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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