cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
