i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
