yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
