i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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