Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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