also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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