Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
tell me about the eggs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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