capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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