My room smells like vodka and shame
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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