she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
