Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
