Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
