you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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