stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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