She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
