I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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