I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
