in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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