I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
